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New Order: Leave Me Alone

This is one of those songs that really resonated with me during my college years. I would play it on repeat and listen to it over and over again as it spoke to my mood so often. Being a lonely soul, surrounded by thousands of other souls I could not connect with, living underground and not living in proper communion with each other. And of course, the futility of it all, since often my poor attempts at communication were misunderstood, prompting an urge to flee from others. My loneliness was always at odds with my desire to be alone. I wanted to have deep friendships with others, but did not know how to do so with “normal” people. A constant juggle between empathy and apathy, not knowing the type of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be a caring person, yet I’d developed a cynical attitude as a defensive mechanism… pushing others away, yet resenting them for not being closer to me; for not understanding me. Resenting myself for my failure to help them understand me. Convincing myself that everyone hated me, so that when it proved to be untrue, I could then set myself to be artificially happy by setting my expectations too low. I could never properly express myself verbally; only through writing. I hated myself for that. So I just set about recording my life in journals, writing about my life, thinking that someday I would be able to share those journals with the girl I might marry someday. Then the irony of me being married a girl who has had no desire at all to read the multiple volumes I have written thus far. All of those feelings and experiences, the joys and the heartbreaks, will just be kept to myself forever. I suppose it was silly to think that I would someday freely share them with anyone other than myself.

In this half year journey of retrospection and introspection that I have been on, it just makes me regret all the times I distanced myself from others. All of the non-nerd friends I had who couldn’t understand me, yet were still kind to me. I sort of resented them in a way, thinking, “They aren’t like me,” and it would deplete my energy to make an effort to be with these “normal” friends, constantly afraid that they’d make fun of me for being a nerd. Because since I have been reaching out to loved ones in my past, guys and girls who were so dear to me, while some have been pleasantly surprised to hear from me, quite often I’m just ignored. Even a dear cousin of mine who was like a little brother to me. Even those friends who made such an impact on my life. If only I hadn’t withdrawn from them… If only I hadn’t pushed them away… If only I had developed better social skills at an earlier age… If only I hadn’t been so ashamed of myself… If only I had been more positive and edifying to them… Then perhaps they would be delighted when I reach out to them rather than ignoring me. Apparently I failed to leave a positive impression on them. They must only have memories of a brooding, shy, pathetic nerd who was always on the periphery and not of someone who deeply cared for them. Apparently I failed to convey that. As for me, even those who hurt my feelings, even girls who broke my heart, even people who were my enemies who gave me such stress, I love them all and I wish I could have a chance to be a blessing to them and to show love and grace to them if they were to reach out to me.

On a thousand islands in the sea
I see a thousand people just like me
A hundred unions in the snow
I watch them walking, falling in a row
We live always underground
It’s going to be so quiet in here tonight
A thousand islands in the sea
It’s a shame

And a hundred years ago
A sailor trod this ground I stood upon
Take me away everyone
When it hurts thou

From my head to my toes
From the words in the book
I see a vision that would bring me luck
From my head to my toes
To my teeth, through my nose
You get these words wrong
You get these words wrong
Every time
You get these words wrong
I just smile

But from my head to my toes
From my knees to my eyes
Every time I watch the sky
For these last few days leave me alone
But for these last few days leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

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Ulan’s new glasses

This week, Ulan got her first pair of glasses and she is happy. On the drive home from the glasses store, she was amazed at how clearly she could see the world. She’s wanted glasses for a long time. I took her to the optometrist about 4 years ago and the eye doctor said that she did not need glasses. She was disappointed.

She’s beautiful. Apparently this rounded-style has become rather popular in Taiwan and now in South Korea, and is now gaining popularity in Japan.

Ever since she was about 2 years old, she wanted glasses like her papa. When we went to the optometrist, she was trying on glasses and had a lot of fun.

This is when she was 2 years old. Adorable!

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Murtop, a clever neo-retro ’80s-style arcade game on Steam

I recently discovered a game publisher called Flynn’s Arcade (awesome name!). Basically, the game is a cross between Dig Dug and Bomberman. You play as a bunny rabbit that poops bombs. And no, I’m not being silly. the game actually says that you poop bombs by pressing the button!

The object of the game is to kill all of the enemies on screen before the timer runs out, and you get bonus points for eating the four carrots on each screen. Press the button to drop a bomb behind you. It’s not like Bomberman where you drop a bomb right where you are, but rather behind your bunny. The delay is very swift, so you must move quickly. You can also dislodge rocks to have them fall on the enemies. Points multiply when you kill more than one enemy.

The emulated CRT scanlines are great in this game. Sometimes these faux retro games go overboard with the scanlines, but they look nice in this game. The game is available for Steam OS, so it runs natively on Linux and Steam Deck. Last year, I discovered Annalynn. Murtop is another such fantastic neo-retro arcade game. Play it or else you suck!

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“Everyone Knows” by Slowdive

What I love about Slowdive’s lyrics is that you can attach your own memories and just let the emotions ride. This woman used old Super 8 home video footage to convey not so much the story of the song, but the bittersweet nostalgia the lyrics imply. This is another of my Japanese translation attempts. It’s easier to translate from Japanese to English than it is the other way around for me.

You’re so beautiful
But you only knew
I see
But I don’t know where you’ve been
But you’re holding back
Just holding
You say you’re fine
Going to America

You made a plan
You can’t stay with me
America
Take me to the place you love
Take me to America

You say you’re fine
I don’t know anymore
Say you’re mine
Take me to America
You can take it slow
Just pack me up
Take me to the place you love
Take me to America

君は美しいよ
でも君だけは分かった
そうか
でもどこにいたのか分からない
君は我慢している
ただ我慢だけ
君は大丈夫だと言う
アメリカに行っちゃう

君は計画を作った
君は私と一緒にいられない
アメリカ
君の愛する場所に私を連れて行って
アメリカに連れて行って

君は大丈夫だと言う
もう分からない
君は私のものだと言って
アメリカに連れて行って
ゆっくりしてもいいよ
私を詰め込んで
君の愛する場所に私を連れて行って
アメリカに連れて行って

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Assault Suit Leynos, a remake of the classic Megadrive game (called Target Earth on the Genesis) on Steam

Masaya’s “Assault Suit” series of side-scrolling mecha combat action games is fantastic. My first exposure to the series was Assault Suit Valken, aka “Cybernator” for North America, on the Super Nintendo. I played the crap out of that game, and then I later got Target: Earth for my Genesis. But Valken/Cybernator’s control was fantastic due to the extra buttons of the Super Famicom/Super Nintendo. Playing Target: Earth/Leynos with only 3 buttons, plus the inferior graphics, did not help me to enjoy the game much. I’ve played it again more recently on my Megadrive Mini, and it still just doesn’t play as well as it could, if only there were more buttons. I did, however, play Assault Suits Leynos 2 on the Saturn quite a lot and completed it.

So this is a remake of Leynos on Steam, and it is fantastic. It features Japanese voice acting for when the anime-style characters speak. For some dumb reason, the anime characters were removed for the North American Cybernator port, and I did a review of that game on my old Super Famicom page here. With extra shoulder buttons, this game plays very well. Of course it retains the 2D gameplay, but with updated graphics and beautiful lighting effects.

The game has mixed reviews on Steam, but I suspect that many are from people who are unfamiliar with the original game. I rather enjoyed it, and I waited for it to go on sale before nabbing it. Definitely give it a try if you are a fan of the series.

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Happy Mother’s Day

Hope you had a nice Mother’s Day. This Spy Family ad for Ghana Chocolate says, “Sometimes Mom coddles me too.”

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Automated Dalek waiter robots in Japan

Crap. We’re doomed. So in the past few years, these robot waiters have proliferated here in Japan. With all this talk of AI, maybe it’s only a matter of time before these become self aware and decide to revolt against humans.

So the Chinese restaurant chain Bamiyan (owned by the Gusto/Skylark group which also owns the Yume-An Japanese restaurant chain) has this completely FAWESOME Taiwanese fry bread topped with vanilla ice cream and smothered in honey, and it reminds me of the sopapillas back home in Arizona I miss so much (which can only be found in Arizona and New Mexico). Ulan and I discovered this on their dessert menu in April and holy crap, I just want to eat that every week now.

What scares me is this robot that served us. It’s like a cross between a Dalek from Doctor Who and R2-D2 from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (back when Star Wars was cool).

I kept expecting it to exclaim, “EXTERMINATE!” Every time it came to our table, I tell Ulan, “Ohmygosh, it’s come back to kill us again!” But really if you think of it, how delightful it would be to be murdered by such an adorable robot. It even has a cute face and what resembles cat ears. How sweet.

But just think… once these robot servers become more advanced, we’ll have to face something more frightening. This man in the picture above didn’t leave a good enough tip, so now his robot waiter is murdering him to death in the parking lot. The man is obviously not having a good day. Of course, this won’t be a problem here in Japan since there is no tipping, but who knows what the future has in store?

And of course, we ordered milk tea boba drinks (called “tapioca” drinks here in Japan, despite these actually not being tapioca). Ulan loves these, and unfortunately the Mini Stop convenience stores no longer serve boba drinks and it sucks. But at least Bamiyan serves them. Happy Ulan is happy.