To breed or not to breed?
November 2003
Mayu and I have been married close to three years now. We've often discussed
having children in the future. We even have several names picked out that we
like very much (assuming that we only have girls, that is). But if/when we have
kids, I want to be thoroughly prepared for it to give our children the best
possible environment in which to live. I want to have kids when we are good and
ready. I've come a long way in my attitude towards having children. I used to be
very pessimistic towards having kids.
During my teen years, I used to be anti-breeding. I embraced the dreary
philosophies of Arthur Schopenhauer, who believed that the only way to stop the
suffering in this world is for everyone to stop having children, thus nobody
would be alive to experience suffering. I used to think that childbirth
itself was, in a way, child abuse. I felt that the worst crime to a child was to
give birth to him or her and force him/her to endure life in this depraved
world. I had such a distate for American society, and I sometimes still can't
shake the pessimistic view that society will only continue to degrade. I don't
think I had a very happy childhood because I hated school. As my mother has told
me several times, after my first day in kindergarten I vowed I would never go
back. Apparently I was under the false impression that I had any say in the
matter. I guess that by the next day, I realized that I had no such power.
Miraculously, I survived public education. I don't know how I kept my sanity.
(Or did I?) I was always a strange kid and a painfully shy loner. As my peers
and I got older, they equated eccentricity with homosexuality. So from about the
fifth grade until I graduated high school, I was branded as a homosexual and
constanty picked on for it. And because I'm so clumsy, I was never any good at
sports, so naturally, according to their moronic logic, that made me even more
gay. (I guess they never considered that gay men could be attracted to sports,
getting physical with sweaty men and such.) Of course I wasn't gay, but even
explaining that to them didn't sway their opinion. Morons. It's hard enough
being persecuted, let alone being persecuted for something you are not. Even my
best friend since the second grade would only socialize with me outside of
school during high school, despite the fact that I always defended him when he
was being picked on back in our elementary days. We eventually parted ways,
especially after he gained acceptance with the very types of people giving me
hell day after day. Needless to say, I did not enjoy my adolescence and teen
years. Think of just about any Morrissey song and it probably describes the way
I felt at that time. But with all the supressed rage I had inside of me from my
own troubles and also seeing other decent, nice kids being picked on for not
conforming, I never heard of school shootings in the early 90s. At that time,
that was only for gang members in bad parts of town. Now we have become
desensitized a bit to students killing each other. I wonder if I will have to
dress my kids with Kevlar jackets each day before they go to school? Why should
I subject my kids to the crap I had to go through with school, which is probably
even worse these days? Only until college was I finally able to enjoy learning
and studying, finally liberated from all of the social pressures of being a
teenager. Those college years were a true renaissance for me. I stopped being so
shy and I actually started to make true friends for seemingly the first time in
my life. A metamorphosis of my character occurred as I threw down the shackles
of high school societal oppression and I was finally free to be myself. I don't
mean to paint myself as a bleeding martyr, but I just can't articulate in words
of how much I hated life during my youth.
And from all the anecdotes I hear of schools today, public education is only
getting worse. I hate the NEA and what it's doing to public schools. They have
banned the teaching of morality and common sense. They're too busy trying to
think up ways to teach about little Johnny and his two fathers and their trip to
their communist bookstore to grade schoolers when the students can't even do
simple math or know which country we fought against during the Independence War.
Kids seemto be be getting stupider, and Democrats think that this is merely due
to a lack of educational funding. Sheesh! My aunt is a third grade elementary
teacher, and a few years back I was shocked to learn that her curriculum
required her to teach the story of the Wolf and the Three Pigs or whatever it's
called. Heck, I was reading Beowulf in the third grade! By the way, I
highly recommend reading the book The
Deliberate Dumbing Down of America. I only hope that by the time we have
kids, Republicans will have championed school vouchers, because that seems to be
the only way America can shake the NEA's grip on our children.
But the effects of the Dumbing Down of America have already taken its toll.
I'm a member of the so-called "Generation X." I think it gets its name from
Billy Idol's old band. Whatever. But this new generation, the "Y-Generation,"
seems to be far worse than when I was young. Teenage morons who think that oral
sex is practicing "safe sex." Their music sucks and they dress like idiots. My
wife is petite. She's fairly normal for a Japanese girl so it's no problem
finding clothes for her in Japan, but over here it's difficult to find decent
clothing that fits her. Because of her size, I have to search through teenage
girl's clothing for her. And judging from what I see on the clothing on the
store racks and the girls I see at the mall, teenage girls dress like idiots
these days. I think the Juniors section at any given department store should be
named the "Filthy Tarts" section. I feel like an old man. (And by the way, I
never knew how hard it is to shop for female clothing until I got married and
moved to America! What the heck is the difference between "juniors" and
"petites"? Stores like Mervyn's don't even have sectional signs to let me know
what department I'm in. They have this cryptic color-code paint scheme for the
walls of each department. I have to stop and ask an employee where to go each
time. And when I buy clothing, it's either a "Medium" or a "Large" or a "32-inch
waist." With women, it's some ambiguous, arbitrary number like "six." Anyhow, I'm trying to
develop a penchant for parenthetical statements like my dear friend Galen.)
It was my philosophy for the longest time that it is far nobler to adopt than
to have children of my own, since there are so many children in this world who
do not have loving parents. Now that I'm married, my desires are more in line
with my wife's, and we're desiring kids of our own. Perhaps it's the ingrained
desire that God made Man in His own image or something. But if it turns out that
we're infertile or something, I wouldn't hesitate to adopt girls from China
(assuming that they'd allow my Japanese wife to adopt from their country---I
really have no idea).
But the idea of creating life in my wife's and my own image is intriguing, to
say the least. It's common knowledge that children of so-called "mixed
marriages" tend to be rather beautiful (although I cringe at the use of such a
racially weighted phrase). Actually, I hope that our children will take more
from Mayu in terms of the looks department. But I do not buy into all that
"pursuit of immortality" and "carrying on the family name" crap. That is such
trifling nonsense to me. But to see children that reflect ourselves is something
I look forward to. Plus, there is so much I want to share with my future kids.
Perhaps since I am more in tune with more youthful things, such as cartoons,
comic books, toys and such, I may make a great father for my children to relate
to. I look forward to playing with my kids and making them laugh. But the
biggest pitfall to the concept of our children being made in our image is that
it is tempting to place expectations on one's children to conform to that image.
Parents often pressure their kids to walk in the path that models their own
lives, pursuits and interests. I think it's important to allow children
to discover their own path; to guide without pressuring.
Naturally, I often wonder if I'm capable of being a decent parent. But
perhaps the fact that I even stop to consider this probably means that I will be
a better parent than the majority of parents today. Especially since so many
people have children by mistake. ("Wow, who would have thought that careless,
unprotected sex could ever lead to pregnancy? Duhrr!") There seems to be far
more stupid people having kids than intelligent ones. I have to keep in mind
that I live in a country that allows shows like Jerry Springer to stay on
television. Scott Adams, in his book The
Dilbert Future, proposes the concept of a parenting licence. We have to get
licences for dogs and such, so why not for children? He admits that it could
never be mandatory, but perhaps tax breaks could be granted for couples who can
pass a common sense parenting test.
I've often thought that if sex was not pleasurable but painful and a real
chore like mowing the laundry or something, then there would be very few
children in this world. But you can sure bet that these children would be born
from decent parents who truly want to have a child. (Well, there's masochists,
but I'd like to ignore that point. Masochists don't exist in my universe. I like
my universe. I made it out of sofa cushions.) Children born from non-divorced,
married parents are rapidly becoming a minority. So, it can be argued that it is
a virtue for morally sound people to have children, to at least try to
counterbalance the lack of morality around us.
I really want to work hard to be a good father. But despite my best
intentions and efforts, I dread the possibility that my kids will grow up to be
brainless morons.
Dad Me: "Do you think it is a good idea to be dating this guy? He
doesn't even have a real name! What kind of name is 'Papercut'?"
My
daughter: "Dad, Papercut chose his name to express his distaste for
white-collar society!"
Dad Me: "So does that mean he refuses to get a
decent job?"
My daughter: "He plays guitar and someday he's going to
be a famous rock star!"
Dad Me: "Well, it's pretty hard for him to do
that when he's living in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER!
My daughter:
"Oh, shut up! I hate you, Dad!"
I feel like Uncle Fester at the end of Apocalypse Now and repeating, "The
horror! The horror!" ....Or was that Marlon Brando? I forget which. Man, it's
depressing to think about it. But hey, this role playing is kinda fun. Here's me
as a military commander:
Commander Me: "We will deploy banana peels around our forces here. The
enemy will slip on these banana peels and fall on the sharpened popsicle sticks
we have set up around our perimiter. Then their troops will be easy pickings for
our genetically engineered, enraged man-eating penguins!"
2nd in
Command: "But sir, won't the penguins possibly turn on our own
troops?"
Commander Me: "That's what the mutant polar bears are
for!"
2nd in Command: "Sir, you're a genius!"
Hey, I feel better already. Here's me as the President of the United States:
President Me: "So Toonces is a cat, see? And he likes to drive cars.
But since he's a cat, he's not very good at driving and he's always steering off
cliffs and such, and..."
Aide: "Mr. President, you're on the
air!"
President Me: "My fellow Americans...."
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Yeah, that's the ticket. Where was I? Oh yes. Having kids and
raising them in a way that spares them from corruption. Alas, I feel
troubled once again. One option is to force my kids to live sheltered lives.
However, I refuse to be a control freak. I've seen parents control their
kids' lives and see their kids grow up to rebel and go wild. So, shielding
children from bad things certainly is not the answer. Nevertheless, there
are some things that children must be spared from. This year my wife bought
this horrid toilet seat cover at the grocery store in the shape of a
fish. As much as I like fish, I really do not like this wretched toilet seat
cover. It has these two cartoonish, putrid eyes that could drive an
impressionable soul mad. I'm afraid that if our kids were to see it, it may
horrify them in a way that will affect them later in life. I'd hate to see
my child as an adult on the roof of Wal Mart sniping grannies in the parking
lot with a bolt-action rifle. "Oh man! Look at that old lady fall into those
shopping cards! ACK! The toilet fish's eyes! They're looking at me again!
NO!!! MUST... KILL... MORE!" For me in my early childhood, the thing that
drove fear like a burning stake into my heart was Mr. Peanut.
Seriously! My sister had a stuffed doll of Mr. Peanut and would scare me
half to death with it just to torment me. His evil eye would stare at me as
his horrid monacle pierced my soul, all while smiling demonically. His smug
face implied that he knew of the terror he inflicted upon me, but that he
would never change! It's taken me a long time to be able to look at the
Planters' mascot without flinching. Perhaps he is the reason why I do not
like to eat nuts.
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So, being an authoritarian parent only breeds rebellion. And being a
completely liberal parent (like how the unentertaining "entertainer" Cher
allowed her lesbian friend to molest her teenage daughter and told her that it
was a valuable learning experience) will produce the similar result of crazy
kids. Indeed the other option, the only true option, is just to raise our
children to think for themselves and have faith that they will turn out okay.
Easier said than done! I think the key to this, though, is to explain why kids
should not do certain things, instead of simply forbidding them. Still, it pains
me to think that our children will have to go through the pains and torments of
life.
So what's the point then? I've written so much already and I haven't even
answered the question of the title of this essay. I'd feel really stupid if I
don't think of something real quick. Actually, the more I think of it, I think
that the desire for having children is more of a spiritual matter than a
physical urge. At least as far as I am concerned. I think of cats in heat and I
refuse to believe that humans are that simple. Yes, people talk about a woman's
"biological clock," and I think it's stupid. Of course, I'm not a woman, so
maybe I'm being an ass about this, but I think that this is a stupid concept,
especially when used to describe a woman who isn't even married. In that case,
it could be said for such a woman that she might desire to get married just to
have a child. It seems that such women would be merely using a man to fulfil
their selfish desires for a child. Heck, my sister has entered her 30s, and so
far she has held firm to her desire to not have children. There's nothing wrong
or unnatural with that.
So what makes the desire to have children spiritual? I believe (brace
yourself, this is supposed to be profound) that the concepts of caring,
nurturing and creating are a part of what it means that we are "made in God's
image." For why did God create the universe, let alone Mankind? Why couldn't the
fact that he's God continue to impress himself for eternity? What is it that
makes us long to create things? To care for and nurture pets, plants, and each
other? I do not believe that the God given desire for sexual intimacy alone
fuels our desires for children. We as humans desire companionship and (get this,
it's pretty deep too) love. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. It's sappy, but it's
undeniably true. Love is the bond that keeps a family together, for when there
is not love in a family, there is sadness and heartache. For why do we shed
tears if there is not some greater virtue of absolute love and justice that we
look towards? Yes, in life, pain and sadness are unavoidable. Yet my desire to
not see a child of mine go through heartache should not deter my desire to give
new life to nurture. For in life there is also joy and love. For quite awhile I have struggled with the idea that if I have kids, would they grow up to break my heart, as I've seen kids do to their parents so often? Would I only be creating another soul who will grow up to break my heart? Could I cope with the sadness I've seen so often? Would it be worth it? Then I came to realize that if God had felt that way, none of us would be here. He created mankind, knowing full well that we would choose the path of sin, and we collectively break God's heart every day. God created us because He loves us. My wife and I want to have children because we will love them dearly. And if our children grow up to be good, responsible adults in a morally corrupt world, will they not shine like a light in this dark world?
Yeah. Wow.
I once knew a fish who had a bicylce. He never needed it, though. It just sat
in his garage all the time.
I strongly suggest you click here.
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