Babblespam

January 2004

Recently I got another nonsensical porn spam in my e-mail. This one is apparently about raping mermaids and dumping them off on deserted islands. (Who thinks up this stuff?) Then it goes into some weird, poetic nonsequitir nonsense. I think I'd like to learn how to write poetic tripe like this. Maybe if I got one of those expensive magnetic poetry sets that were trendy at book stores a few years back, I can arrange bizarre poetry like this on my refrigerator. Anyhow, below is the text of the message, with the links removed for sanity's sake: 

Bang Boat 


Hey, Dudes, come along with me Captain Poon as 
we travel the seas in search of sweet young mermaids 
looking for a fun little boat ride. Little do they know 
they will end up face down, ass up with a cock pounding 
them as we cruise the rough seas in the Bang Boat. 
We shoot all our voyages and present them here for your 
enjoy. Watch as we fuck these stupid broads silly and 
then dump them off surfside miles from home HA. 


forest newspaper doth zealand thats, 
instead traffic folly, dreaming cannot beautifully. 
seeing first tore crocodile graceful, frightened couple. 
railing wont grotesque nobody ordering: 



comrade fender boom move supposed narrow. 
breast boom, received curiosity questioned ought puppys? 
gods streak swim, sitting citizens 
shall sound, pressed bottle exhausted fills. 
belong smoke youth smooth revealed hung natural.
Bizarre, to say the least. I've been told that the purpose of this random nonsensical words strewn together is to throw off the spam filters and trick them into thinking that it is valid e-mail.

Okay, so here's my stab at babblespam. I thought it up one morning during a usual bit of insomnia when my brain races. Unfortunately, I think it makes too much sense to be true babblespam. 

Sweaty Popsicle sticks microwave milkshakes offend nubile penguins. 
Desk lets elbow in grass with frolicking fax pleasing eraser with midnight. 
Horseshoe wood coming up from ground illuminating path to portable chickens. 
Thus unshaven parking meters give swollen eye guppy swimming in magazine light bulb pudding. 
Astute telephone poles baking cookies in yonder mountains with pandas leave lawn baskets, while 
terrific smiles lean staple remover tissue samples with garden hoses in tree hats.
You have no chance to survive make your time.

(Sorry… I had to put that last part in)

How can I come up with this weird nonesense? Well, it's fairly easy. Just string together a bunch of nonsense nouns with nonsense adjectives and put them in with totally unrelated verbs. Plus, it also helps to be weird like I am. Also I'm also a bit inspired by bizarre Stereolab album titles like "Emperor Tomato Ketchup" and "Cobra and Phases Group Play Voltage in the Milky Night."

Go on to the next chapter of "Greg's Life" before you realize that you're just wasting your time.

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