{"id":989,"date":"2023-06-04T22:05:10","date_gmt":"2023-06-04T13:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/?p=989"},"modified":"2023-06-08T10:58:26","modified_gmt":"2023-06-08T01:58:26","slug":"new-order-leave-me-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2023\/06\/04\/new-order-leave-me-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"New Order: Leave Me Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Leave Me Alone (2015 Remaster)\" width=\"525\" height=\"394\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2zpYieracgw?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>This is one of those songs that really resonated with me during my college years. I would play it on repeat and listen to it over and over again as it spoke to my mood so often. Being a lonely soul, surrounded by thousands of other souls I could not connect with, living underground and not living in proper communion with each other. And of course, the futility of it all, since often my poor attempts at communication were misunderstood, prompting an urge to flee from others. My loneliness was always at odds with my desire to be alone. I wanted to have deep friendships with others, but did not know how to do so with &#8220;normal&#8221; people. A constant juggle between empathy and apathy, not knowing the type of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be a caring person, yet I&#8217;d developed a cynical attitude as a defensive mechanism&#8230; pushing others away, yet resenting them for not being closer to me; for not understanding me. Resenting myself for my failure to help them understand me. Convincing myself that everyone hated me, so that when it proved to be untrue, I could then set myself to be artificially happy by setting my expectations too low. I could never properly express myself verbally; only through writing. I hated myself for that. So I just set about recording my life in journals, writing about my life, thinking that someday I would be able to share those journals with the girl I might marry someday. Then the irony of me being married a girl who has had no desire at all to read the multiple volumes I have written thus far. All of those feelings and experiences, the joys and the heartbreaks, will just be kept to myself forever. I suppose it was silly to think that I would someday freely share them with anyone other than myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this half year journey of retrospection and introspection that I have been on, it just makes me regret all the times I distanced myself from others. All of the non-nerd friends I had who couldn&#8217;t understand me, yet were still kind to me. I sort of resented them in a way, thinking, &#8220;They aren&#8217;t like me,&#8221; and it would deplete my energy to make an effort to be with these &#8220;normal&#8221; friends, constantly afraid that they&#8217;d make fun of me for being a nerd. Because since I have been reaching out to loved ones in my past, guys and girls who were so dear to me, while some have been pleasantly surprised to hear from me, quite often I&#8217;m just ignored. Even a dear cousin of mine who was like a little brother to me. Even those friends who made such an impact on my life. If only I hadn&#8217;t withdrawn from them&#8230; If only I hadn&#8217;t pushed them away&#8230; If only I had developed better social skills at an earlier age&#8230; If only I hadn&#8217;t been so ashamed of myself&#8230; If only I had been more positive and edifying to them&#8230; Then perhaps they would be delighted when I reach out to them rather than ignoring me. Apparently I failed to leave a positive impression on them. They must only have memories of a brooding, shy, pathetic nerd who was always on the periphery and not of someone who deeply cared for them. Apparently I failed to convey that. As for me, even those who hurt my feelings, even girls who broke my heart, even people who were my enemies who gave me such stress, <em>I love them all<\/em> and I wish I could have a chance to be a blessing to them and to show love and grace to them if they were to reach out to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">On a thousand islands in the sea<br>I see a thousand people just like me<br>A hundred unions in the snow<br>I watch them walking, falling in a row<br>We live always underground<br>It&#8217;s going to be so quiet in here tonight<br>A thousand islands in the sea<br>It&#8217;s a shame<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">And a hundred years ago<br>A sailor trod this ground I stood upon<br>Take me away everyone<br>When it hurts thou<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">From my head to my toes<br>From the words in the book<br>I see a vision that would bring me luck<br>From my head to my toes<br>To my teeth, through my nose<br>You get these words wrong<br>You get these words wrong<br>Every time<br>You get these words wrong<br>I just smile<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-vivid-cyan-blue-color has-text-color\">But from my head to my toes<br>From my knees to my eyes<br>Every time I watch the sky<br>For these last few days leave me alone<br>But for these last few days leave me alone<br>Leave me alone<br>Leave me alone<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is one of those songs that really resonated with me during my college years. I would play it on repeat and listen to it over and over again as it spoke to my mood so often. Being a lonely soul, surrounded by thousands of other souls I could not connect with, living underground and &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2023\/06\/04\/new-order-leave-me-alone\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;New Order: Leave Me Alone&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"spay_email":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,84],"tags":[107],"class_list":["post-989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","category-music","tag-new-order"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":771,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2023\/03\/24\/i-retook-a-personality-test-and-reinforced-that-i-am-an-infp\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":0},"title":"I retook a personality test and reinforced that I am an INFP","date":"2023-03-24","format":false,"excerpt":"I took a personality test on a site called 16personalities.com It says I am a \"mediator.\" This is taken from the results I was given. I will highlight parts that really ring true for me. Although they may seem quiet or unassuming, Mediators (INFPs) have vibrant, passionate inner lives. Creative\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;life&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/INFP.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2852,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2026\/01\/22\/the-psychology-of-people-who-rewatch-shows-and-movies\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":1},"title":"The psychology of people who rewatch shows and movies","date":"2026-01-22","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ycpHAGogAA0 This video was recommended to me by my friend Lou. It explains the psychology behind why I would rather watch Big Trouble in Little China over and over again rather than trying to tackle some new show that will likely turn out stupid. Star Wars is totally dead now,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;life&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/Blade-Runner-Spinner-flyby-b.gif?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2143,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2025\/05\/21\/enjoying-the-modeling-hobby-in-japan-despite-cramped-living-spaces\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":2},"title":"Enjoying the modeling hobby in Japan despite cramped living spaces","date":"2025-05-21","format":false,"excerpt":"Living in smaller living conditions in Japan, there is an art to maximizing the space you have. I found these pictures on Pinterest and found them interesting. One thing to note is the absence of the \"carpet monster\" that Western modelers often complain about. Homes in Japan may have area\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Japan&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/modeling-in-Japan4.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":42,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2022\/02\/21\/she-says-it-like-thinking-for-yourself-is-something-bad\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":3},"title":"She says it like thinking for yourself is something bad","date":"2022-02-21","format":false,"excerpt":"I've no idea who Claire Lehmann is, but she's exactly the type of person I have avoided since high school. She obviously affirms herself through groupthink and shuns free-thinkers and needs to appeal to \"popularity\" to validate her opinions. As I have told my daughter, you're better off being alone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;humor&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/resistant-to-the-hive-mind.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1982,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2025\/01\/24\/memories-of-green-when-life-imitates-art\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":4},"title":"&#8220;Memories of Green,&#8221; when life imitates art","date":"2025-01-24","format":false,"excerpt":"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=u2-Pjvrkbac Someone shared this incredible video on Gab. It's not often when such a simple video will grab me like this, causing me to re-watch it numerous times. This young man plays \"Memories of Green\" by Vangelis on some old piano on a sidewalk which appears to be somewhere in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;music&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/u2-Pjvrkbac\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":302,"url":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/2022\/07\/07\/the-georgia-guidestones-have-been-demolished\/","url_meta":{"origin":989,"position":5},"title":"The Georgia Guidestones have been demolished!","date":"2022-07-07","format":false,"excerpt":"Today is July 7th in Japan, and I woke up to some rather interesting news a friend had sent me via email. Some madlad had managed to detonate a bomb, demolishing one of the slabs of the Georgia Guidestones. Since then, it was ordered to be demolished and a backhoe\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;socio-political&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/pepe-blowing-up-the-guidestones.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=989"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1025,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989\/revisions\/1025"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevethefish.net\/stuff\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}