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Dear chick from the Progressive Auto Insurance commercials, Will you marry me? Yes, I know that sounds rather sudden. But whenever your commercials are on TV, my heart races so much and I want to leap up and down with excitement. Your knowledge of so many ways to save people money on their insurance is matched only to your ability to make people happy. I want for us to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. What urged me to write this letter? Well, last night I had a crazy dream. It was scary, but it wasn't a real nightmare, because it was a love story dream. You and I were survivors of the apocalypse, and we were contantly hunted down by Nazi zombie Amway salesmen on riding lawnmowers. I weilded a chain saw and shotgun just like Bruce Campbell, and you were deadly with a samurai sword. I learned that not only are you good at insurance, but you are also good at decapitating the undead. Oh yeah, and I also dreamt that we were driving around the post apocalyptic scenery in Herbie the Love Bug, except that we had these sharp knives attached to the front bumper and we had a gun turret installed in Herbie's sun roof. Herbie really was lethal and he kicked ass, plus we saved a lot on car insurance through Progressive too. Fortunately, the deadly weapons didn't drive up our insurance rates, but I'm sure you already know about that. My favorite Herbie movie was Herbie Goes Bananas. Then in my dream I learned that the zombies were being controlled by the Brain Hive Mind from Craptaculon Beta Prime, and you and I and a bunch of ninja pirates were going to build a big rocket ship to go to their planet to put an end to their evil. But then the alarm woke me up. So anyhow, it was from that moment on that I realized that we were destined for each other. I was thinking that you and I could get married, even if the apocalypse never happens. Say, do you like the new grilled chicken at KFC? I sure do, and I was thinking we could serve that at our wedding reception, along with some potato salad or whatever. Then we could have an Elvis impersonator pop out of the cake and juggle Furby dolls or something. That would be great. Anyhow, I hope you will respond to this message. You are the woman of my dreams, and I hope you can show off your samurai swordmanship in one of your next insurance commercials, like you are "slashing" prices or something cool like that. Anyhow, I love you!
Sincerely,
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