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Dear Chris Isaak, There's a woman at work who has pictures of you on her cubicle and I remembered how I bought one of your tapes back in the early 90s. I just wanted to write to you and tell you that I am your biggest fan. I think that you are one of the greatest singers. I think that you are cooler than Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison, and Wheeljack from the Transformers combined. Why Wheeljack? Well, everyone knows that Jazz is the most musically inclined of all the Autobots, but he doesn't even listen to jazz music. I find that hypocritical. I think Wheeljack is cooler because he has those things on the side of his head that light up when he talks. I think they are his ears or something. Anyhow, they glow blue when they light up and it reminds me of your song, Blue Hotel. Is there really a hotel called Blue Hotel? What is the lonely highway your song speaks of? I don't get out of the house much, so I don't travel at all. I'd like to go on a vacation someday, but I think I need a car or something first. I really liked you in the Twin Peaks movie. I'm sure you've been in other movies too, but the Twin Peaks movie is the only one I've seen you in. I can't remember what the movie was about, but I used to watch the show all the time. Aside from being spooky, I think that the show was very far-fetched, since usually the class valedictorian is never the town slut. It's sad how the girl Laura Palmer died. Oh yeah, I just remembered that the plot of the movie was about her getting killed. I forgot about that. Actually, the movie was kinda dumb, but you and David Bowie were the best part of the movie. I used to like David Lynch movies, especially the very long version of Dune that they never released on DVD. I wish they would release that on DVD someday. But I don't like Lynch anymore because I think he did the movie Resident Evil. I think he did it, but I don't want to see the movie again to look at the credits. I thought that movie was stupid. Especially when that one soldier gets dragged into the closet full of zombies to get eaten alive, and then later he is walking around as a zombie. I mean, hello? Didn't he get devoured by man-eating zombies or did they just nibble on him a bit and say, "Okay, you're one of us now"? I hope you never get turned into a zombie. Zombies don't make very good singers. Take Michael Jackson for example. There is also that singer guy Rob Zombie, but I think that that's just his last name. I bet he got picked on a lot in school with a name like Zombie. Maybe that's why his songs sound so angry. Anyhow, I think you should act more. I really liked your acting in your music video for Wicked Game, where you were making out with a half-naked woman on the beach. Sometimes I could almost see her boobies.Well, I guess I actually don't look at your acting in that video as much as I do the girl. I think she's very talented. In fact, I idolize you so much that I pretend that I am Chris Isaak and making out with her when I watch that video. I recorded that video to VHS back when MTV used to play music videos. Well, my mom says it's time for dinner, so I have to end my letter here. Please say "hi" to that girl on the beach for me.
Sincerely,
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