Dedicated to the child I never knew.

A Sorrow for Violet

April 2023

In 2016, my wife Mayu was pregnant, but for only four weeks. We were so happy for a while, but our child's heartbeat grew weak and died. We were never able to conceive again. We had hoped for two daughters, but alas we could only have one. We succeeded in employing the Shettles method, to conceive our dear daughter Ulan Kate. We had tried again for a second girl child. We wanted a second daughter so badly! Ulan wanted a little sister to play with, and would tell us about her desire. Unfortunately, she remains an only child. If we had succeeded and this child was born a girl, I wanted to name her Violet. This is a poem dedicated to her short-lived life.

A special thank you to Ray, who has inspired me to write verse again. You can read his writing on his Substack page here. I haven't written a serious poem since my college days.

A Sorrow for Violet

A rhapsody of pleasure
A carnal, yet spiritual harmony
Two hearts merged as one
A unison, a union, a dance
A release of joy, a frolic of fluid
A race to be won
Seeking, searching
A prize to be sought
Here, that treasure has been found
Merging in a flow, a penetrating handshake, an intertwining of identity
Exultation, a miracle, a triumph of love
Conception! Life!
Celebration! Joy!
A new heart now known

Violet, my precious daughter
A new life awaits you
Will you embrace it?
Or retreat into insignificance?
An unforgiving world awaits
Yet so does your loving family
Yearning to know you, to touch your face
Embrace that which has been given to you, my love
My darling girl
We love you, and we wish to hold you in our arms
To celebrate your life
For that life's essence from which you emerged
Has given you an identity to embrace, a soul to celebrate!
Your sister yearns to hold you, to play and to synchronize with you
The warm love of your mother, enfolding you in devotion
The love of your father, to hear my heartbeat...
From your father's ecstasy conceived
Through your mother's agony to be born
A journey to embark upon
You will soon see a new world of light and wonder
Violet, embrace the life given to you
Will you emerge and behold your destiny?

Violet, my dear daughter
A fatigue confounds you!
A struggle, a weakness
Why must this be so?
A love unknown, out of reach
The light diminishes before your eyes can even see
This life given to you
Has become a burden too great
A timeless sleep beckons your weary body
Why has this overcome you?
We love you! We want you! Please do not go!
An exit, promised by the light of your loving Creator
"Come home, come back," He calls to you
You gave it a good try, my love
But it was not meant to be
It's alright; you tried your best
"Lord, be it your will," we prayed
And you were taken from us
My heart grieves for you so much
Retire and rest, my love
For you tried to no avail
A heartbeat silent now, no more
A stillness, and now a long sleep
A life has faded, gone from existence
Neither requiem nor funeral given for you...

Violet, where are you?
We've lost you and cannot find you
We were waiting for you
We wished for your arrival earnestly
To love and cherish you
Now you have gone to where we cannot follow
To where your father cannot be there to hold you, to comfort you
Pictures undrawn, songs unsung
Dancing and laughter, never to be seen nor heard
A love created, a love lost
A life unlived
Returning to the essence of eternity, a life no more
That source of love and grace
Which our minds cannot begin to fathom
A journey you have begun before I am ready to follow
Tears, sorrow
Now you are no more
With no one to remember you but two
Your time was short, but know that you were loved
And that for a while you brought us joy

Violet, where have you gone?
Your father is here, but you have departed
I wish to follow you on your journey into the unknown
To be with you, to hold your hand
To assure you, "Your papa is here for you..."
But I cannot be there with you
Your mother needs me, and so does your sister
I never met you, yet I miss you so much
My soul mourns for your expiration
A death before your first breath
You were the daughter I never knew
A beautiful, sinless soul
Never to have graced this world with your presence
This world which now lacks your being
Never to have danced, never to have loved
Never to have exhilarated, nor despaired
Never to have known the exuberance of lascivious passion
Nor the desolation of heartbreak
Not a single friend made
Expired too soon, a circle of life drawn too hastily
Your soul now rests and waits
For that moment when the finite crosses with infinity

Violet, my lovely daughter
Let our Heavenly Father enfold you with His loving arms
His presence and light which dispels all darkness
I await our ultimate uniting with a loving embrace
As we are called to the sky above in celebration with our Lord
I will look for you on that day
And I will hold you in my arms and say
"It's alright. I'm here now. You've with your papa at last."

Violet, my dear daughter
Thereafter I'll have an eternity to know your extravagant soul
Please tell me of the person you could have been
That life which you were deprived of
That which this world was sadly bereaved of
Never knowing your smile, your sweet voice
In this linear, temporal existence

Violet, my love, my darling daughter
Sleep, my precious girl
Sleep until that day we are together
United with our Savior at last
I yearn to see you, to hold you
To touch your face
My beloved daughter
You were so tired and weak
In the brief few weeks in which you lived
Sleep peacefully until the day we meet at last
Know that your papa loves you
And wishes you were here with him today...

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mail: greg -atsign- stevethefish -dot- net