Greg's Life #101: James Blunt is a stupid idiotic dummyhead

James Blunt is a stupid idiotic dummyhead

February 2015

As I have mentioned before, I teach English in Japan. Most junior high English teachers like to have their students sing songs in the beginning of every class. While this is a nice idea, unfortunately it seems that most Japanese people have the worst tastes in English-language music. Some of them have some cool ideas about music, but too many of them are fond of some pretty dumb tunes. Consequently, I am often subject to listening to such songs rather often.

One such song is "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. I really grew to hate this song years ago when I was a waiter at a noodle restaurant back in Phoenix, Arizona. I was working there part time as a second job because I was burdened with so much debt to pay off. Well, the head waiter had the song "You're Beautiful" on his cell phone, and whenever we tried calling him, I always heard this song. To make it worse, he NEVER answered his damn phone! I worked with a waitress named Louise, and she was great fun to work with. We would constantly make fun of this song.

Unfortunately for me, this song became well-known in Japan, apparently. I've had two different teachers use this song because it uses the grammar point "I don't know what to do" and as such, the song is useful in reinforcing this. Well, now that I've been forced to sing this dumb song and listen to the lyrics, I hate this song even more. James Blunt is a moron, and allow me to disseminate this song's lyrics in order to explain why.

So I will paste the lyrics to this song, and I claim fair use in any copyright laws, until President Obola enacts TPP and his cronie lawyer friends are made the rulers of the world, and as a result "fair use" is made illegal. (God, I pray that Japan rejects TPP...) For now, these lyrics are here for educational purposes. And that purpose is to educate everyone as to why James Blunt is a stupid creep who writes dumb songs.

My life is brilliant.
Here the stupid song makes a false start with Blunt's false claim that his life is so fantastic. The rest of this song proves how completely untrue this statement is. The false start to this song is brilliantly parodied by Weird Al Yankovic in his song, "You're Pitiful." Look this song up. It's a hilarious song. Then again, all Weird Al songs are hilarious. Will he be put out of work by TPP? Stupid Obola. Stupid RIAA. Stupid lawyers. They all suck.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
So right away in this song, Blunt is bragging about how great he is. He is basically equating his nearly-psychotic obsession/lust for a woman he saw only once in his life with some sort of idealistic, "pure" love. He doesn't even know her, and she may possibly be a married woman. This is completely pathetic, and he arrogantly insists that this is pure love. Oh, I don't think so, Mr. Blunt. So let me proceed to analyze the rest of this song and explain exactly why this guy is a total creep.

She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan.
Okay, so a woman politely smiled at Mr. Blunt, who was probably already staring at her for some time. He doesn't even know her, and already he starts calculating how to ruin her relationship with whoever she is with in order to suit his selfish desires. I am only assuming that this other man is her significant other, otherwise he wouldn't be mentioning him as an obstacle. What this "plan" is exactly, he does not say. Obviously this plan isn't worth mentioning.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beatiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
So here's the chorus, which is all I really knew about this song before really having to sing this in English classes. Here he has stopped referring to the woman as "her," but now "you." This switch in pronouns is a bit disorienting. Is he still talking about the same woman? OK, so I completely understand what it is like to catch glances with a beautiful woman somewhere. And yes, it is true that such beauty can be unforgettable and should be celebrated in memory. I am completely fine with all that. But obsessing over it is just unhealthy. When you see a woman who is already in a relationship, just wish her well and wish yourself better luck next time. But at least here he admits defeat, and that he will never be with her. At least I'm pretty sure he is talking about the same woman. He is, right?

Yeah, she caught my eye
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was
flying high
And I don't think that I'll see her again
But we shared a momen that will
Last till the end.
So here he is assuming that this woman "shared the moment" with him. Isn't it possible that she then turned to her husband and said, "Oh thank God that guy is gone. He's been staring at me on the subway for the past 20 minutes. I was about ready to call the police!

(repeat chorus)
La-la-la-la, etc
Okay, so this is just the chorus over again. I can't fault him for the "la la la" part. It's just a part of music, although most of what I listen to does not do this.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beatiful, it's true.
There must be an angel
With a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you.
OK, so assuming God has a plan for James Blunt's life, is God now outsourcing his planning to angels? Who is this angel who Blunt believes has a plan for him to be paired up with this random hot chick on a subway? Whoever she is, she ought to be fired, apparently, because this idea obviously backfired.

But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you. So here he concedes defeat. Dude, there is nothing "pure" about this, nor is this love. You're just being a creepy loser, obsessing about some beautiful woman he saw on a subway. Keep going down that road and you may find yourself becoming a stalker. Or something worse. You know, like, "I murdered your boyfriend, hollowed him out, and I'm wearing his skin and face to prove to you how much I love you and how you are better off with me than him. Now love me! NOW!" Nah, maybe not that far. This song still sucks, though.

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My life is brilliant.	Here the stupid song makes a false start with Blunt's false claim that his life is so fantastic. The rest of this song proves how completely untrue this statement is. The false start to this song is brilliantly parodied by Weird Al Yankovic in his song, "You're Pitiful." Look this song up. It's a hilarious song. Then again, all Weird Al songs are hilarious. Will he be put out of work by TPP? Stupid Obola. Stupid RIAA. Stupid lawyers. They all suck.
My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I'm sure.	So right away in this song, Blunt is bragging about how great he is. He is basically equating his nearly-psychotic obsession/lust for a woman he saw only once in his life with some sort of idealistic, "pure" love. He doesn't even know her, and she may possibly be a married woman. This is completely pathetic, and he arrogantly insists that this is pure love. Oh, I don't think so, Mr. Blunt. So let me proceed to analyze the rest of this song and explain exactly why this guy is a total creep.
She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won't lose no sleep on that 'Cause I've got a plan.	Okay, so a woman politely smiled at Mr. Blunt, who was probably already staring at her for some time. He doesn't even know her, and already he starts calculating how to ruin her relationship with whoever she is with in order to suit his selfish desires. I am only assuming that this other man is her significant other, otherwise he wouldn't be mentioning him as an obstacle. What this "plan" is exactly, he does not say. Obviously this plan isn't worth mentioning.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beatiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you.	So here's the chorus, which is all I really knew about this song before really having to sing this in English classes. Here he has stopped referring to the woman as "her," but now "you." This switch in pronouns is a bit disorienting. Is he still talking about the same woman? OK, so I completely understand what it is like to catch glances with a beautiful woman somewhere. And yes, it is true that such beauty can be unforgettable and should be celebrated in memory. I am completely fine with all that. But obsessing over it is just unhealthy. When you see a woman who is already in a relationship, just wish her well and wish yourself better luck next time. But at least here he admits defeat, and that he will never be with her. At least I'm pretty sure he is talking about the same woman. He is, right?
Yeah, she caught my eye As I walked on by. She could see from my face that I was flying high And I don't think that I'll see her again But we shared a momen that will Last till the end.	So here he is assuming that this woman "shared the moment" with him. Isn't it possible that she then turned to her husband and said, "Oh thank God that guy is gone. He's been staring at me on the subway for the past 20 minutes. I was about ready to call the police!
(repeat chorus) La-la-la-la, etc	Okay, so this is just the chorus over again. I can't fault him for the "la la la" part. It's just a part of music, although most of what I listen to does not do this.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beatiful, it's true. There must be an angel With a smile on her face When she thought up that I should be with you.	OK, so assuming God has a plan for James Blunt's life, is God now outsourcing his planning to angels? Who is this angel who Blunt believes has a plan for him to be paired up with this random hot chick on a subway? Whoever she is, she ought to be fired, apparently, because this idea obviously backfired.
But it's time to face the truth I will never be with you.	So here he concedes defeat. Dude, there is nothing "pure" about this, nor is this love. You're just being a creepy loser, obsessing about some beautiful woman he saw on a subway. Keep going down that road and you may find yourself becoming a stalker. Or something worse. You know, like, "I murdered your boyfriend, hollowed him out, and I'm wearing his skin and face to prove to you how much I love you and how you are better off with me than him. Now love me! NOW!" Nah, maybe not that far. This song still sucks, though.