A letter to Kermit The Frog

May 2004

Dear Kermit The Frog, You are my favorite muppet who ever lived. I wrote a poem for you: If Kermit The Frog and I were stranded on a desert island together we would eat coconuts and spear fish in the lagoon and build a big tree house like in that movie Swiss Family Robinson we would skip along the beach hand-in-hand I would gaze into his eyes and tell him that he is the King of the Muppets and we would write poems about being stranded on a desert island together Isn't that nice? I had an argument with a friend of mine about Muppets. He said that Muppets aren't real and that they're only puppets. I said he was full of crap and I asked him how many puppets he knew who could ride bicycles. He laughed and said that I do not have a firm grip on reality. So, I punched him in the face. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think that more people would believe that you are real if the camera would show your feet when you tapdance. I guess it's because most people have never seen a tapdancing frog before. I've noticed that whenever you tapdance, the camera only shows you from the waist up. Why is this? I think if you let the camera show your feet when you tapdance, then idiots like my friend would believe that you are real. So what size shoes do you wear, anyway? Well, I know that you've had a off-and-on-again relationship with Ms. Piggy all these years, but I believe that in the end things will work out. I think you should just marry her. That's my advice. Well, my mom says that it's my turn to do the dishes tonight, so I have to go now. I'll write you again later. My last several letters to you were returned in the mail, but I hope you receive this one. Sincerely, Your Greatest Fan

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